Back from Reno!

yes! I'm back from Reno! it's a place with casinos! ahhaha just like a mini vegas. They are in the same state thou.. Besides, i also went to Northstar Resort for skiing! ahhaa.. it was fun to watch ppl falling down all the time when i don't fall anymore.. whahahahahaha! A fine weekend like this is what i need to forget about all the problems and stresses.. ahha U all should try it out too! =)

Anyway, I've seen ppl who are getting holidays soon! rarh! so do I! just a little longer time to go for me. That means my finals is coming real soon! the first paper will be on this Saturday. The weird thing is that I still hav classes after my first final paper. WHAT THE HECK!!? hahaha.. let's hope I can survive to the finals with all the colors of the world. I mean all! more than all those on the rainbow. haha and i hereby wish that everyone who is having finals or any exams or watever in life to pass with flying, floating, superb colors! hahaa.. omgosh im late for tutor.. I need help for physics... Till then.. jian signing off! weeee...

My Love Will Get You Home (song)

Spell?

Lost...

How many times have i been lost? losing my identity. not knowing who i am. Who i am to others. I don't know.. probably many times.. Just had a Sam Adams light beer. Been drinking quite frequently now.. mostly at nite. Guess i want to not remember that im lost. but even after a drink. nth changes. its like.. im still having the same feelings.. but a lil bit more numb on the outside thou.. but the inside nvr change..

Why do i have these worries inside me? worry that i might brokedown one day knowing that there's no meaning for my existence. Knowing that i might not be needed in the world. As they all get their own meaningful ones.. i will just be ditched aside..

I don't know what should i do now.. Going back to Malaysia doesn't seem so special now and a part of me wanted to go back but another part of me doesn't. I wanted to experience winter here. but how about the coming summer? should i go back? probably not because i want to take some summer courses so that i can grad in a shorter period of time. Not only that. there's some issues with my apartment rental. As im renting wit two other msian girls. we are sharing the rent of the apartment. So, if i were to go back to msia in summer. the rent goes on because there is no reason for me to not have to pay for my part of the rent when im not around. the only solution is to not go home OR to find someone who wants to stay in my room for summer. That's kinda hard as i have most of my stuffs in my room. How is that person going to live in my room with all my stuffs there.. I would be too lazy to shift out all my stuffs to empty my room for that person. Crap! see.. its not like i dont want to go back.. i just have all these stuffs to worry about. So, please stop asking me to go back as part of me wanted to but i cant for some understandable reasons..

Guess im kinda drunk now.. or maybe i wanted to be drunk and i get drunk easily. Look how many time si used drunk in this paragraph.. probably im drunk. probably im not drunk.. Okay.. i sound like im drunk now..

These days are weird.. I always look in my MSN and scroll down the list to see who's online. There are ppl who i have in mind to talk to. but for some reasons.. i stopped myself. I don't know what to talk to them. I always had this worry that they might be busy or they just dont wanna talk to me. Maybe its not the right time to talk to them.. all these craps! someone please help me.. is this normal? does anyone has the same experience?

Its probably due to past experience when i talk to them. they simply tell me that they are doing something or they have something to do.. that really makes me feel unneeded. unwanted or watever... its just.. disappointing! but i know i cant blame them. i just at least would like them to u know.. say hi to me first when they are free to do so.. haha.. probably i felt lonely now.. yeah.. i think i am.. pitiful me.

I'm going to have my last midterm in this semester on wednesday. What i did was a sheet of notes.. not completed yet.. sometimes i think my weakness is that i oversimplify stuffs.. everything.. i made them look simple to me.. but actually its not.. it's not easy to make things simple thou.. i guess its m weakness to OVERdo it! as my advise! never overdo something..

alrite.. i donno wat else to write.. i should probably just get some sleep and go shopping tmr! gilroy! the factory outlet town! ahahhaa... owh yeah.. i bought my clothing for skiing in thanksgiving.. ehehe... it costs me quite a lot.. i think more than 200 dollars.. but i just have to spend it once.. hopefully.. =)

My Love Will Get You Home

If you wander off too far, my love will get you home.
If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone, get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home. Boy, my love will get you home.

If the bright lights blinds your eyes, my love will get you home.
If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone, get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home. Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever feel ashame, my love will get you home.
If its only you to blame, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone, get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home. Boy, my love will get you home.

Hah! A song from "Heart of Greed". hmm.. let say its soft.. hahaha yeah! definitely a goodnite song... LOL.. anyone has any idea how to add songs to bloggie? hahaha.. i know i know.. its lame.. but just to add in something so i can share songs here as well.. hahaha..

Anyway, those are the pics of a game of broomball! ahhaa.. it was fun! but i can hardly breathe in the ice center. I don't know why. Probably of the cold air? haha its really cold.. never expect it to be that cold. anyways.. broomball is like ice hockey. Without skates. and brooms instead of the hockey stick.. LOL i donno wat they call it. wweeee! i scored 1 ! =P

This weekend was really a good one. Just had 2 midterms and the following should be so much less stress.. cause there's not as much homework or anything else to worry about. I finished Heart of Greed too! haha 40 episodes.. Basically my weekend is spent on Series, Basketball, Broomball. and other normal stuffs which im lazy to list them.

To those who are stress.. or maybe not doing that well. You should just look ahead! haha get back on your feet and seek jian wei for help. i will give u a push on your back. not too hard yet not too soft. Just enuff to keep you going. =) Guess i will need someone else to do that to me real soon. As i predict that i am going to be stressed up real soon.hahaha it's always like that.. maybe sometimes its good to tell ppl that everything is going to be ok. If that gives them hope to walk on the tough and rough and full of obstacles road! hehe.. but im sure it will be a superb outcome at the end.

Hmmm.. LSZ asked me to consider going back next summer. HAHA.. so i am! considering the pros and cons.. The last time i went back was not that beneficial. hahaha.. as i spent most my time playing dota, basketball? haha but its cool. I'll see how things goes ok? hehehe.. The thing is i've never experience a summer here yet. I've so far experience all other seasons.. at least im going too... haha.. Can't wait for the ski trip during thanksgiving.. Probably the only motivation now.. hahaha ski ski ski ski ski ski ski.. snowboard maybe? hahaha.. maybe maybe not maybe maybe not. LOL. omgosh.. is that what happens when ppl get hyper? hmmm.. probably.. i ate a lot of stuffs this weekend as i stayed in front of the lap top most of the time..

owh yah.. in the "Heart Of Greed" that guy writes a diary! haha.. he started after breaking up with the girl. can't believe he is writing every single day down for like 900 days? hahaha.. omg.. how can he take that? that's nuts.. hahaha.. hmmm any new songs to recommend? anyone? hehe.. thanks!

It's never too late?

What is meant by it's never too late? when u are late u are late.. of course.. some might say that its never too late to start all over.. but that is so much easier to be said than done.. a million to the power of a million harder!

I have two midterms.. one might be tomorrow which im not even sure.. and one is on thursday.. but it might be both on thursday too which i prefer.. if it is on tuesday it will definitely caught me unprepared.. and i will probably screw it up so badly that i would cry looking at it.. hahaha... dam! have been so stressed up! stress is beneficial huh? Not so.. when u have ulcers.. headache and feel like killing yourself.. There are just so many many things to be worried about.. homeworks.. assignments.. mid terms.. now adding in a malaysian club thing.. and work.. grrrr.. its really driving me nuts... although hamsters like nuts.. i do too.. but i don wanna go nuts! rarh! i dont wanna eat up myself..

i had a weird dream yesterday.. i once heard ppl said that if u remember ur dream.. u must've not slept well.. i guess so.. have been yawning in class non-stop.. and there's even tears in my eyes.. hahaha.. grrrrrr... stress stress and stress.. n e ways.. the dream was.. about a girl.. it's really weird.. she knows that im leaving soon.. to somewhere.. LOL.. and she made me this kinda.. errr album.. full of food and a lot alot of stuffs.. and it's like a really really long story written in a book.. i didnt read it in the dream as it was too long.. and i decided to keep the album till im free to read it.. haha maybe someday i shall read it in my dreams.. if it still exists..

rararara.. gtg class now.. let's see if i can get through this without having to give up anything.. i hate it when i have to choose between stuffs.. grrr.. but life is just full of choices.. this and that this and that this and that.. lalalala.. wateva la..

A little video i found.. hahaha.. it was taken accidentally when i was back in Malaysia.. a mamak session with LSZ, Yin Yang and Jo.
=)

Enjoy or suffer.. YOUR choice!

wuu... this has to be one of the best weekend that i spent in San Jose. For the very first time, i played football! as in American football.. not soccer.. hahaha.. It's cool! althou my team lost most of the game... haha.. if u can spot me in the pic.. im at hmmm mid right? wearing green and white strips.. =) the sand there was really cold! and i mean it! so cold!

BTW, it's Santa cruz beach. about an hour drive from san jose downtown. i've heard alot about ppl wasting their weekends.. haha and im always doing it.. but its really up to how u 'waste' your weekend.. if u do something that got u relaxed.. i guess that wasn't a waste afterall.. since u get all the enjoyment from it.. haha.. anyways... those are peeps from my housemate's christian fellowship.. called A2.. hmmm.. they organizes all types of activities.. santa cruz beach bonfire was one of them.. haha.. althou im not (yet) a christian, * thats what they say... * i guess they don't really care... we just hang out and have fun. =) they are all good ppl.. i know.. haha..

I think it's pretty much our choice whether to enjoy something or not.. now.. i actually have a General redo of a physics exam. Because the class did really bad. The lecturer is giving us a chance to improve our score.. by 30 points max for 3 questions.. I don't know how to do them.. and im kinda struggling.. so.. i end up did like 2 of it and got stuck. Planning to see a tutor tmr.. hopefully they can help. See.. if i chose to struggle wit it.. i would be so stressed up.. but instead.. i chose not to.. i mean how much can that affect my life? learn to look further i guess... u might be stressed out.. but why not take a break? haha.. go do whatever u wanted to do for a while.. since u cant accomplish the stuffs that are supposed to be done.. haha.. i don't know.. u might get less things done this way.. but i guess there's less suffering.

bla bla bla.. One tree hill is over! all four seasons.. i finished it in errr... 1 month? hahaha.. am watching the drive of life now.. cool! lala.. since i don't know how to do my work.. im just gonna do things that i enjoy doing! which is watching drama for now.. haha.. till then.. dont stress out with problems that u are having.. look at the good side of things.. dont be negative.. there will be a way if u have the will.. =) go on and see what happens.. sometimes u have to let ur ego down.. but thats ok.. just do it.. i was thought to open up the door to others.. * in the leadership conference * haha.. ermm.. yeah.. you just wont know if u dont try.. just don carry expectations.. and u'll be fine ;)

Every song ends, and so do every life. Enjoy while it still plays.

Hello ji4n's blog,

It's your owner here. Well, kinda. Sorry that this will be another emo post?

One of my friend's father just left the world. You have my deepest sympathy.

An introduction of a song,
might be interesting,
might be boring,
or maybe simply astonishing.

The pre-chorus of a song,
might be bringing you up,
might be bringing you down,
or maybe neither nor.

The chorus of a song,
might be the best part,
might be the worst,
or maybe just the same.

The bridge of a song,
might be the greatest part,
might be the saddest part,
or maybe a pre-ending.

The outro of a song,
might be the coolest,
might be the loudest,
but it is definitely ending the song.

What if the best of the song is at the end?
miss it if you stopped at any parts of the song.
you just have to play on.
No matter how bad is the intro, or any part of the song.
because you just wouldn't know what will be coming next.

Every song ends,
so do every life.
Enjoy while it still plays.

Is it important?

As stated in the title, "Is it important?" to be written by Jian Wei Loh, he argues that the most important things in his life are family, friendship and love. The author is going to begin by asking the question of what do people think is the most important stuffs in their lives? is it achievements? Perfect scores? or Money? Jian states that none of those in the list should be. Why is he saying that? He looked in the mirror today and found out that, he didn't know who he is? or who he was? who he intended to be and who he had become. It certainly sounds like one of those lost teenagers who are looking for themselves. I guess the answer lies in place. A place no other than themselves. But he couldn't find it. So he's in some identity crisis?

"Is the person that i am becoming really the person i wanted to be?" Seriously I'm not sure. Who do i wanted to be? A successful guy with loads of money and girls? Thats what they said isn't it? Guys will only be bothered by 2 things. Money and girls.

First up, money. What is up with money? Can money buy me happiness? maybe. Maybe not. It depends on how did one get the money. Through some dirty paths isn't gonna give him/her happiness. No way. Unless he/she is insane. But well, People like that do exist. As in for me, i think money can't buy you all the happiness that you wanted. But without it, you will be suffering. A quick example would be you got some kind of weird sickness. Maybe not you, someone else that you care about. Without money, how are you supposed to help them? with your strength? No. It doesn't work that way in the world today. Money comes first. With money, you can provide them with professional health care, and certainly comfort. What can be worse than seeing the ones you care leaving you and you can't help it?

Aite.. enuff of those crap.. i had enuff.. hahaa.. was just trying to write a proper.. errr opinion piece i supposed.. but ended up.. i got lazy again! hahaha.. me and my random mind.. maybe I'm going crazy.. well.. i can't help myself. so.. psychologists might.. hahaha.. actually i don't really get that stuffs about teenagers having trouble finding themselves? what the hell? We know who we are.. and why are we in wherever we are doing watever we are doing.. but is that really what we wanted to do? To a certain point maybe..

What's the point of studying engineering.. it's tough.. I didn't mean other majors are easy.. but why engineering? Cause it's a professional degree.. Without it, you can't find a job. WIthout a job, u will be BROKE! and live a life like what they said.. WAI LAO.. haha.. yeah.. so that is why we are studying.. it doesn't interest me at all.. maybe sometimes.. but.. i find some of them really irrelevant. it just makes me feel sick.. and questions why am i doing this? can't we just do whatever we want to do?

The answer is... WE can! But at a great price to pay.. You just don't dare to do it! to be rebellious? yeah.. for all these years.. following rules and stuffs.. and what did you get? i guess the result isnt there yet.. it might be a good one.. such as getting a degree and getting a good job.. But that wouldn't even mean a thing if you have no one to share with. ISn't it? who cares? That's the part where your family, friends and love ones comes in.. They are the ones that can share it with you.. they will be happy for you.. and proud of you.

People fall in the long journey. You just can't help it. Stand right back up when you fall. That makes you tougher.. each and every time. although it might be just a little. don't ever be afraid to walk again. Unless you can fly. ahhaha..

Aite.. So.. you guys watched a litre of tears? it's good in a way.. not that its sad.. but it's motivating! disabled being more hardworking than you? owh gosh.. you got to do better than that.. Yes.. the point of this paragraph is that appreciate what you got. and get the best out of your life. Although it might not be as good as others.. Make it better!

Been struggling with assignments and projects and readings? yeah.. it is definitely a pain in the ass. It's the first time this semester that i handed in a incomplete assignment. I did whatever i could. If its not good enough.. let it be.. At least i did the best.. Sometimes we shouldn't expect too much from ourselves.. do our best and hope for the best would be good enough.. there's always a " what if its not enuff? " LET IT BE! you did your best didn't you? If you were to blame.. admit it.. face it.. How hard can it be? * really hard XD *

THats it for now folks. Hope you will join me again with all my craps! =) Jian out!